How I Discovered What Works With Women

It's OK To Be A Man

After many years of study, research and trying different things,

I've now realized that there is a conspiracy against men being

successful with women.

It's very real, and it's very pervasive in our culture.

Let me explain.

Most men that I know have some kind of 'feeling' that it's wrong in

some way to sleep with more than one woman at a time (I'm not even

referring to a Menage A Trios, either. I'm talking about plain old runof-

the-mill dating of a couple of women at a time here).

But most women that I know have more than just a 'feeling' about

this. Most women are outspoken and very forward about the idea that

it's WRONG for most men to date and sleep with more than one

woman.

You can see it in their faces and hear it in their voices when they

talk about it.

If you know what I'm talking about, give me a silent nod here.

What I've discovered by doing my homework is that the moral idea

of monogamy (having only one partner at a time) has been formalized,

passed down, and force-fed to us culturally by rulers, religions and

women for thousands of years.

I don't mean to get too far out here, but I feel that understanding

where these beliefs came from and how they are promoted will liberate

many readers.

Onward.

Anywhere from hundreds to thousands of years ago, rulers of lands

kept large harems of women. These harems were guarded carefully to

prevent any males except the rulers from having access to these

women. The penalty for sleeping with one of the ruler's women could

be, in an extreme case, your own death plus the deaths of everyone in

your family and village (Back then there were bigger risks involved!).

These rulers kept so many women not just for the sexual variety

that it provided them, but more for the reproductive power that it gave

them. These rulers often had detailed records kept so they could

copulate with only the most fertile women so as to maximize the

woman's chances of pregnancy and passing on their own genes.

So what do you think these rulers did to protect their harems?

Right! They passed laws (that they were exempt from) to promote

monogamy.

In these times there was a great shortage of women, so these laws

would discourage married men (those lucky enough to find a woman)

from seeking sex outside of their marriage, and therefore protect the

ruler's harem further.

Next, we have the church.

Many religions prohibit sex, make sex 'wrong,' give it some name

with negative connotation like 'fornication,' or in one way or another

discourage it.

I once heard a wise man say "Religions take everything that your

DNA naturally wants to do to survive and pro-create and makes it

wrong." Why? Well, if you're busy fighting your internal drives, and

you see God as the only way to cleanse yourself of these 'bad'

thoughts, then you are a much better SHEEP.

If you want to get people to follow you, first confuse them, then

convince them that you know the way to get them out of their

confused state. Easy.

Finally, we have women. This is the interesting one.

If you look at it from an 'economic' standpoint, it doesn't benefit

women at all to have their man running around having sex with other

women. She can only be pregnant with one child at a time, and she

can only raise a limited number at a time, so having a man that's out

spreading his seed is BAD BAD BAD for business for her. When you're

out spreading seed, you can't be working or home helping. Even

worse, you might have other kids with other women which will divide

your attention and income further. (By the way, I'm not saying that

there's anything wrong with women's perspectives. I'm just saying

that if you look at it from their point of view, there's not a lot of

benefit to having a man that likes to sleep with a lot of women.)

So anything that promotes monogamy, like religion, is seen as

'right' to many women, as it goes along with what they know and feel

is right.

Now let's talk about men.

My research leads me to believe that men are 'naturally' inclined to

have one main woman that they are devoted to, but that they like to

sleep with other women as opportunity arises. You can believe what

you want, but do yourself a favour and read Matt Ridley's book "The

Red Queen" before you start speculating.

Think about it. There are major advantages to men (or at least to

their genes) to sleep with many women.

First, it doesn't take a lot of energy, and there's not very much risk

involved (I realize that there is risk of disease, etc. but for the moment

think about the fact that a man could probably father dozens of

children before a disease would take him out, making the trade off,

genetically speaking, a no brainier).

I personally believe that men are hard wired to look for sexual

opportunities and seek out sexual variety. (Let me also add that just

because you're hard wired to like sweet foods doesn't mean that you

should eat only sweet foods. This will lead you to sickness and

eventually can lead to disease and death.)

With this in mind, I'd like you to ask yourself:

What are my beliefs about monogamy?

Where did they come from?

Do I like my beliefs?

Do my beliefs conflict with my inner drives?

Would I like to change what I believe based on this new

information?

In any event, from now forward, don't let anyone or anything make

you feel bad because of your NATURAL desires and attraction to

women. (I'm, of course, talking about reasonable desires and

attractions. If you like to think about hurting women, underage

women, etc. then do yourself a favour and get some help.)

But if you're like me and you were given a set of ideas about

women that you are now realizing to be less than useful, then move on

and start thinking about the subject differently.

My perspective is that sleeping with different women breaks no

'law of the universe,' and it's not an ethical dilemma for me. Any

objections that are in existence were created mostly to control, not to

liberate. My perspective is also that it's important to be honest with

people about your views. And yes, this means talking to women about

them. In my life, I've mostly had long term girlfriends. And if I tell a

woman that I'm going to be faithful, then I am.

But if I'm single, then I see nothing wrong with dating as many

women as I want. (Keep in mind that there are some crazy viruses,

diseases and other scary bugs that want to jump on your wiener. So

use good judgement.)

I've found that if you explain the topic like I just have to a woman,

you'll often show her a perspective that she's never even thought of.

My experience is that women actually LOVE to hear a man talking this

way. It's refreshing to women to hear a man being open about this

controversial topic rather than hiding his ideas. It's important to

remember what I said above: "It's OK To Be A Man."

If you are who you are and make no apologies for yourself, you will

be taken seriously. But if you approach the topic cautiously and act

like you're trying to see if she's OK with your views, you'll be seen as

weak and insecure.

I've found that most women will accept you as you are. But if you

try to act like someone that you're not, then you're found out, you will

be treated with disrespect and ex-communicated.

My Story

I made the decision a few years ago that I needed to get the area

of my life ‘handled' called ‘dealing with women.' So I made a decision

and a commitment to myself and my best friend that I would do

whatever it took to learn and ‘figure this out.' (Read Think and Grow

Rich by Napoleon Hill Chapter #1 for more on this mindset).

Background: The girlfriends that I had in the past were mostly

from luck, now that I reflect on it. They were there, and I felt lucky to

have the opportunity to get them to be my girlfriend.

But I never knew how to approach women that I didn't know, and I

could sit in a bar for three hours making eye contact with a woman,

and never have the nerve to go talk to her. Right now I'm just turning

30, I'm about 5'10 160 pounds. I think I'm reasonably good looking,

but I've never been the kind of guy that women just walk up and

approach. (I say this to give you frame of reference in relationship to

the comments in this newsletter relating to looks, etc.) I've made

myself more attractive by paying attention, learning, and using what

works.

When I made the decision to get this part of my life handled, I

decided that instead of trying to start with an angle (working at a strip

club, becoming famous for something, etc.) that I would like to learn

in a way that gave me power to act on just my personality and

presentation - to make this part of who I was rather than a 'trick.'

I have a rule of thumb in life that I use... it takes about 2-4 years

just to get 'good' at something. And I mean JUST TO GET GOOD. Think

martial arts, playing an instrument... anything. (Read the first chapter

of "Mastery" by Leonard for more wisdom on this topic)

Sure, you can have some success and fun while learning, but

experience has shown me that to really 'get' something, and to be able

to use it in many contexts successfully, you need to apply yourself for

2-4 years.

THEN, I think it takes another 2-4 years to become a 'master' of

whatever you're doing.

At the 10+ year level is usually where the Genius level really kicks

in...

My point here is to say that I've been applying myself for a few

years now, and I am now to the point where I feel confident and in

control around women. I encourage you to make this a long term

commitment rather than just trying to get an instant cure. It will be

worth it in the long run.

If you're just plain lazy and want a shortcut, go ahead and try all of

them. But you'll most likely find, like most others do, that massive

success with this material takes practice, effort, and a commitment.

Do As Much As You Can To Improve

First, I looked at myself. I asked "If I were the type of woman that

I would like to attract (I like super hot, very intelligent women), what

would make me want to be with a man?"

So I started reading, listening to tapes, going to seminars... you

name it. And I started to work on my ‘presentation' of myself.

I now think that it's important to get EVERY POSSIBLE thing going

for you that you can.

Here's my take: If you have messed up teeth, that doesn't prevent

you from dressing well (for instance), so don't let it.

Get a cool hair style (It's OK to ask a stylist what's cool and get

help on this one).

Buy nice clothes (don't tell me that you don't have the $$$. Get on

eBay, go to the Nordstrom Rack and look at the clearance items. I did

it to begin with). If you will do just a few key things, they won't

necessarily HELP you attract women, but they'll get rid of things that

are PREVENTING you from attracting women now that you DON'T

EVEN REALIZE.

Make no mistake about, if you're interested in ATTRACTIVE

women, you'd better realize right now that these things make a

difference. You don't have to work out ten times a week, but get your

body in at least OK shape. You don't have to have perfect teeth, but

make sure that they're clean and that your breath is great.

My personal view: If you're overweight, poorly groomed, etc. these

are all things that are within your control. You should get them

handled for YOURSELF. If you don't, then I'm going to assume that

you don't have very much self respect, in which case almost NOTHING

I tell you can help.

Women notice details that most men don't. They notice if your belt

and shoes match. They notice what kinds of foods you like to eat. They

notice all the details, then make assumptions about every other area

of your life based on these details.

So learn what nice shoes are, and how to keep them nice. Figure

out how colours and clothing go together and what is cool. It's worth it.

I wasn't ‘cool' when I started, now I've learned how to be. Huge

difference. (Am I saying that you can't attract women if you wear

Nike's and have messed up hair? No. But remember the old saying: "A

blind pig can find an occasional truffle...")

Of course, don't overdo it.

I've tried the whole dressing well bit in the past, to the point of

looking like I'm trying too hard. Now I dress more 'casual nice.' I wear

a lot of Calvin Klein T-Shirts with black jeans and nice black shoes, etc.

This look, with a nice leather coat, works well in almost any situation.

This is a look that you can put together for a couple or few hundred

bucks (for several sets).

Here's my mindset: Keep improving all the time, even if it's the

SMALLEST DETAIL.

I noticed recently that at least once every time I go out, a girl will

ask me for a light. I always just said "I don't smoke" or "No" and left it

at that. Couple weeks ago I said "Ah-Ha" and I went to the lighter

store SPECIFICALLY to find the coolest lighter that anyone has

invented. I bought this torch lighter that make a huge flame. It looks

like a welding flame. So what do you think happened the first time I

went out with it? Right... got asked for a light... and got a 'wow'

reaction from her, which started a conversation.

A list of random things to improve:

· Keep all nails on your body short, clean and neat.

· The only place hair is good is on your head. Keep all other hair

trimmed, or have it removed. Nose and ear hairs are a no-no.

Bushy eyebrows are a no-no. Bushy pubic hairs are a no-no.

· Keep the teeth clean. Get a tongue scraper and use it a lot.

Floss. Use mouthwash. Fix any blatantly wrong teeth. Do it.

· Wash yourself three times when you shower. Dirt and body

odours don't come off with just a rinse. Wash your body

completely three times before you meet a woman.

· Use a good deodorant (I don't like anti-perspirants, as they

block your lymph system).

· Keep feet, shoes, and socks ultra clean. No foot odour is

permitted, period.

· Get a good cologne. Try Dolce and Gabanna, Cerruti Image, or

Gaultier for men. And don't OVER-do it! No cologne is better

than a lot of cologne. One or two squirts, applied an hour before

you're going to be meeting women is best.

Remember, women notice the details and assume you handle

everything else the same way.

Self Image, Self Talk, And Other Self Stuff

The way I see it, underpinning all of these outer details and

techniques is your self-image, confidence, personality, and all of that

other intangible stuff that takes a bit to get under control. So let me

address how I got my personal self-image stuff together before I talk

about what I do specifically. (By the way, this is the most important

part of this book. All of my success has flowed from my attitude and

confidence - not the other way around. So if you read nothing else,

read this.)

The Attitude

When I first started out learning how to meet women, I remember

that I had a feeling inside like "I'm afraid to just walk up to a strange

woman and start talking."

I thought of all kinds of things that could go wrong.

"What if she has a boyfriend nearby who's jealous and he wants to

beat me up?"

"What if she says something that puts me down and makes me feel

bad?"

"What if she says something to someone else about me being a

loser because I tried to talk to her?"

All of these different ideas combined inside of me to give me a

general fear of meeting women.

I've since learned that none of my worst fears would come true

when meeting a new woman. I've met hundreds and hundreds of

women over the last few years - and none (NONE!) have reacted or

caused anything to happen that I couldn't handle in the moment.

In the process I realized something very important: No tactic

works on every woman. Some women are not interested in meeting

someone right now.

Some women are lesbians and have no interest in men.

Some women are happily married or in a relationship and don't

want to meet someone new right now.

Some women are angry.

Some are cold.

My guess is that in a random group of 100 women, only about 30

of them might be open to meeting someone new right now (In a

romantic sense).

What this means is that 70 AREN'T interested in meeting someone

new.

And of the 30 who are interested in meeting someone new, maybe

only 15 are nice, friendly, happy people. Do you see where I'm going

with this?

If you want to be successful at meeting women, you have to

understand that many of the women that you talk to aren't interested.

Most people take things like this PERSONALLY. Instead of just moving

on to the next woman, they get all uptight and feel bad about it. I've

now learned a better way.

I also learned something else that helped me dramatically.

I learned that women are used to being approached, flirted with,

and picked up on in general by men. Even women who are what you

might call 'average' are approached by men on a pretty regular basis.

So when you're about to approach a woman, keep in mind that it's not

like you're going to try something that she's never heard of before and

shock her. You may not be totally comfortable yet just walking up to

any woman, but she'll be relatively comfortable with it.

And remember, if she's not interested, it's most likely that she's

not interested in anyone right now. Of course it's true that she might

not be interested in your 'type' or you may have acted in a way that

she didn't like, but the fact is that no matter what happens, you'll find

that it's no big deal.

Just move on.

When I first started my journey, I realized that some of the

greatest memories that my friends and I have are when something

bad happened to one of us. Looking back, we usually laugh about

these things and make fun of each other and ourselves.

So I thought about it, and I realized that getting rejected really

harshly by a woman would actually be a funny thing. I imagined my

best friend and I saying "Hey, remember that time when I walked up

to that girl in the mall and said "Hi" and she told me that she doesn't

date me who look like Pee Wee Herman? Ha ha ha ha..."

Think of it this way: If you get shut down really hard, just tell a

couple of friends. They may not let you live it down, but at least you

can laugh about it! (And if you have friends that wouldn't help you

laugh about it, then you need some new friends)

Another part of the attitude equation that I realized is that different

women respond to different looks, personalities, etc. One woman

might only like men who dress in suits and ties, while another might

only like women who dress like bad boy rockers. Whatever style you

develop, DON'T CHANGE IT JUST BECAUSE SOME WOMEN DON'T LIKE

IT.

The price of big success is having some people dislike you. So once

you find a style that works for you, stick with it, and only change it

because YOU choose to!

It All Comes Down To Your Skills.

Having a problem? You need a new skill.

If you have some area of your life that isn't working for you, you

probably need a new SKILL.

I realized a few years ago that most people look at themselves and

say things like "There must be something WRONG WITH ME. I don't

know why. I just can't do it."

But, in fact, the problem wasn't something 'wrong' with them, the

problem was that they needed to learn a new skill or a set of skills.

Meeting women comes down to SKILLS. If you're having a problem

in a particular area, get new skills to deal with it. For instance, if you

have learned to meet women and get phone numbers, you might start

having them flake out on you and not show up for planned meetings.

Solution: A new skill. You need to learn the skill of getting women to

meet you after making plans.

There are many parts to being successful with women, and they all

work together. You may already know some of them, you might learn

a few more from this book, but if you're missing a key (like how and

when to kiss a woman, for instance) you'll still keep running into

challenges.

Remember, if you're having a challenge, you need a skill. So

remind yourself of this, and come back to this book to get the

information, then practice until you have the SKILL!

I began by creating self image exercises based on NLP (Neuro

Linguistic Programming) and Timeline Therapy, and doing them all the

time. (Read Frogs Into Princes by Bandler and Grinder and The Secret

of Creating Your Future By Tad James for more info.)

Here's one exercise that's helped me tremendously:

First, I close my eyes and imagine a picture of the person that I

want to be. I imagine how I'll be dressed, the expression on my face,

how I'm standing... all the details. Then, I throw that picture up into

the air and have it start raining copies of it all around me for as far as

I can see... into my past and future... all around me. Exercises like

these sometimes sound silly, but they help direct your mind towards

the you that you want to become.

One area that I've studies extensively is what's commonly called

'internal dialogue' or 'self talk.' This is simply the way that you talk to

yourself inside your head. Most people are talking to themselves all

day long. But most people are talking NEGATIVELY to themselves

instead of talking POSITIVELY. Negative self-talk is, in my opinion,

one of the primary causes of low self-esteem, giving up, and a lack of

interest in even trying.

If you tell yourself something enough times, you'll begin to

BELIEVE it. This new belief will take on a mind of it's own, and start

creating it's own self talk.

Most people who have negative beliefs also have negative self-talk

that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. If this is you, STOP RIGHT NOW.

I may be the first person that's ever pointed this out to you, so it

might sound a little strange. Or, I might be reminding you of

something you already know. In any event, make a commitment to

yourself to start talking positively to yourself and to be encouraging

from now on. Put it on your calendar. Send yourself emails. Do

whatever you have to do so you remember to be nice to yourself when

you talk to yourself.

If you're one of those people that likes being negative, arguing

with everything, finding why things can never work for you, and why

everyone is wrong, then do me and you a favour and delete this book

from your hard drive, and email me to ask for a refund. You've made a

choice to be negative with yourself, and I'm not even interested in

helping you see a better way. People who have made the choice to be

negative about everything are usually playing out a drama that's

beyond what I'm interested in addressing, and probably beyond the

power of a book to change.

If, on the other hand, you are one of the people that is willing to

give new things a try, to say to yourself "I can do something if I

choose to" and "I can change if I really want to" then I think you will

be successful.

The key here is to begin taking a positive mindset and talking to

yourself in a positive way.

Here's an exercise for you to do: Take out a piece of paper and

write down all the negative thoughts you have about yourself, and all

the negative things you say to yourself, and all the areas where a

'positive' outlook would help you. Then, start writing down positive

things you can say to yourself instead, and start saying them. Keep

working on this until you stop saying negative things to yourself. This

could take you years, like it did for me. But it's worth it, trust me. This

one process will improve all areas of your life, so use it everywhere.

It's also important to make mental pictures and rehearse the

success that you'd like to have. As you're going to sleep, make mental

movies of yourself being successful in different kinds of situations and

with different types of women. Mental rehearsal is the next best thing

to physically doing something. So do it as often as you can. If you will

make a mental movie of the ideal you doing the things that I'm going

to teach you, and rehearse in your mind every day, you will see

improvement and results. If you don't do this part, you'll be wondering

why you can't seem to get it right when you need it.

Internal States

Finally, I'm going to address the idea of your 'states.' By 'state' I

mean the feeling that you have in your body.

Can you remember a time when you felt happy and excited?

Can you remember a time when you felt powerful and energetic?

If you can, then you can HAVE THESE FEELINGS ANY TIME YOU

WANT THEM. Most people don't use their memories to help them feel

good because they say "Well, that's not really how I'm feeling, I'm just

imagining it." Well, I have news for you: You're ALWAYS just

imagining it. You might as well imagine it at times when you need it

instead of having it happen on accident!

Here's how to use this:

Write down three states that you'd like to be able to put yourself

into anytime you'd like. Then, write down three times in your life when

you felt each of those states. Finally, close your eyes, and put yourself

into each of the three situations that made you feel the state that you

want, and do SOMETHING UNIQUE with your body as you're

remembering. For instance, if you'd like to feel powerful and confident,

while you're remembering times when you felt this way, breath out

quickly while puckering your lips. If you do this process of

remembering the states and breathing out quickly at the same time,

all you have to do in the future is close your eyes, breath out quickly

while remembering the feelings, and you'll have the states that you

want. It's like having a push button for feeling good on your body.

Next, you have to practice putting yourself into your three powerful

states when you're in different environments. So go different places,

and practice getting yourself into your states with distractions, etc.

This might take some doing, but once you have it mastered, you'll be

able to get yourself into a positive state when you're not feeling it to

begin with (Could this be useful when you're feeling shy or afraid to

meet someone? Maybe...)

I also started keeping a personal journal of everything that I was

learning and doing, so I could reflect on it.

Find Others

MOST IMPORTANTLY I found and started to hang around with guys

that WERE SUCCESSFUL WITH WOMEN. This was the biggie. I owe

much of my success to the guys who showed me in the real world

what they did. It wasn't the books and the people selling tapes and

seminars. It was the real world guys that were successful in the real

world. What I do now resembles nothing that I've really read in a book

or learned from an author.

So the BEST advice I can give you is to find about 5 guys in your

area that know what they're doing, and say "Hey, I really want to get

this part of my life handled... can I take you to dinner (no kissing) and

pick your brain man?" Be humble and cool, and you'll make some

friends. Like I said, find about 5 different guys so you can get different

perspectives and see how it all fits together.

By the way, go read the chapter in Think and Grow Rich about the

Mastermind as well. IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE, DO THIS ONE THING.

IT WILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE.

What Outcome Are You Looking For?

Most men that I talk to about this topic really can't explain the

EXACT outcome that they're looking for.

So let me ask you...

Are you looking for a one night stands?

Are you looking for a girlfriend?

Are you looking for a wife?

Are you looking to get this part of my life called 'confidence with

women' handled?

What is it that you'd like to do?

Once you choose an outcome for yourself, you can apply what

you're learning to that outcome. If you have no outcome, then you're

going to be like a ship in the ocean with no particular port as your

destination. With no target, there is a very small chance that you'll

ever be successful.

Take a moment and write down your goal as it relates to women.

Then think about that goal as you read the rest of this book.

The idea here is to give yourself a framework to work within and

that you have to plan. Failing to plan is planning to fail